After extended period, periodicals

Never mind stats reading when you can word vomit for a couple of minutes. I am sitting in the periodicals listening to Justin Bieber trying to figure out if there is a better way. A better way to do what? you may ask. That might be my overarching problem, I have no idea. A better way to network outside of forming clubs with mini Machiavelli's? A better way to program outside of sitting in a lab hours upon hours asking for help every five minutes? A better way to spend your time outside of listening to crappy pop songs spitting out random thoughts?
I think I started this post to complain about how hard and frustrating things can be. Thinking about the " better way" for me is thinking about the easier way. The way that does not require me to get out of my comfort zone and work very hard. Is it bad to admit that? I am naturally lazy and like my comfort zone? It may be bad to embrace that and feed it, but I don't think it is bad to recognize. I get scared sometimes admitting to myself and the world that I am not perfect. It is a problem I have always had, I do not like people to see that side of me or even have reason to believe it exists. Its something to laugh about I know, in my mind I am doing a great job at keeping my image nice and tidy. Sometimes I forget people see a lot more than I expect. I am almost positive the people close to me know every single one of my shortcomings. In spite of this they still stick around.
So I do not understand why I make such a big fuss about it. I have flaws, I do, say, think, stupid things. Me and the rest of the world, but why am I so worried about people seeing that? I guess we are kind of conditioned to publish all the great things about ourselves and either pretend the flaws do not exist or deal with them very privately. No one sits down at a job interview and lists their strengths and their ACTUAL weaknesses. They list strengths and more strengths. It makes sense but is that healthy? Can you honestly self evaluate when you tell the whole world you do not have a reason to?
I get super stressed when people have only heard my strengths. I feel immense pressure to preserve that image in their minds because I don't know what will happen when they find out sometimes I blow off homework to rant and listen to crappy pop songs. Overall I just need to trust people more.
What am I saying? I am not saying every time anyone meets a new person to tell them their greatest strengths and greatest weaknesses. Honestly, I cant say what I am saying but I think it boils down to being your real self, not a walking application. This is not meant to be preachy, in fact this entire post is for myself. I am just trying to figure out how to be real and be okay with that. Slowly but surely, slowly but surely.